10 Things Girls Should Know About Guys

1. We are going to hate everyone who hates you and every guy who likes you too much. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

2. Jealous is what we are. In the same way a lion acts around another lion. We may not do much around the house but, by God, that dude better not be, either.

3. If we tune you out when you’re talking, it’s not because we have short attention spans–give us “Call Of Duty” or “Monday Night Football” and we’ll prove that–it’s because we aren’t interested in what you’re saying. This is our loss because you are WAY more interesting than we are. But our minds work differently. You feel and we fix. If we can’t fix what you’re saying with a suggestion or action, we drift back to a project, work, or sports.

4. Providing for our families IS how we show love. We are wired to do two things: Provide and kill. Case in point, observe children playing “house”. As soon as the fort is built, the boy says, “Alright, Bye. I’m going to work.” Before he understands work, he picks up sticks and pretends to shoot anything that moves. Sorry soft and sensitive America, it’s hard wired from birth.

5. There’s something to be said for a guy who’s comfortable enough in his own skin to wear pink, carry your purse, listen to your every need; and there is such a thing as being too comfortable. If you want to see a man in touch with his feminine side, rent a porn. You ARE our feminine side. You don’t see us asking you to get in touch with your masculine side, do you? You know why? Because we don’t want to be with another man.

6. Every guy rates every girl on a scale of 1 to 10. If this seems disrespectful, it’s not. One man’s 1 is another man’s 10. We will sleep with 4′s and above, but we marry 10′s. So, if you are married, congratulations! You are some bodies 10. That is why you shouldn’t cheat. Because a girl who cheats is every guy’s 1, including the guy who downgraded you from being someone’s 10. Is this fair? I don’t know. If I did I’d probably understand why you’ll ignore guys who would treat you like a 10 to date guys who use and abuse you like you’re a 1.

7. We don’t compliment your hair because guys don’t notice it. We notice that you look great. If you change your hair and we like it, we notice you look great, but different. We usually aren’t sure why. But that doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the time you take to make yourselves look amazing. It means we don’t notice hair individually. We notice the culmination of all those little nuances put together. We do, however, notice when someone else notices. When you then say things like, “You didn’t even notice, at least he noticed” you forget that the first time a guy sizes you up, he is evaluating you on his own personal scale, checking off the details he approves of and disapproves of. He may have noticed your hair, but he might also walk away without saying a damn word if he knew some of your little quirks that the guy you’re with knows and finds adorable about you.

8. When we say hurtful things in an argument, it is because something hurts in us and we’re lashing out because we don’t know any other way to communicate it. You’ve touched on an insecurity. If you avoid that button in the future, you will avoid the lashing out that comes from pressing it. If you want the button to become less sensitive, nurture it. Make him feel secure about that area of his life. When he feels secure, he’ll naturally improve it, and he won’t feel like he has to protect it.

9. Guys need time with their buddies. Other guys are the best thing imaginable for your relationship. Why? Because other guys allow your guy to be a guy. That leaves him feeling like a guy. That way, when you hand him your purse while pointing out the guy who noticed your hair as he sports his pink shirt with the collar popped and wearing sunglasses inside, you won’t have to watch your guy as he begins to imagine hanging himself in the shower. Instead, he’ll smile without feeling threatened, nod, and think to himself, “That’s right, douche-bag. She’s with me.”

10. Lastly, someone once said it this way. Guys have two emotions: Hungry and horny. If he doesn’t have an erection, make him a sandwich.

When I was much younger, I was waiting in line at a supermarket when someone dropped a can on the floor behind me. Naturally, I turned to look for the source of the sound I’d heard, only to find one of the most beautiful blonds I’d every seen, bending over in a red and white, plaid mini-skirt to pick it up. When I turned back around, an elderly gentleman was staring at me. Immediately, I felt my face burning with embarrassment, expecting a lecture about respecting women. Or worse, what if she was his granddaughter? To my surprise, what he said next I’ll never forget. He put his hand on my shoulder, looked down at me like I was four years old, and said, “Son, no matter how thin she is; no matter how beautiful she looks; no matter how sweet the honey that flows from her mouth; somewhere, some guy, is completely sick of her shit.” Then he signed a check, gave it to the cashier, and I realized that I had just met the Dalai Lama.